Control/Alt/Delete (Reboot)

Moving to England. It’s such a great opportunity, and I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I know that not many people get a chance like this. We’re going to see a new corner of the world, and to spend more time together as a family. Most likely, it’s going to be fabulous. But…I’m kind of FREAKING OUT about leaving. True, I’m going to see and experience new things and travel to places I otherwise wouldn’t have gotten a chance to see. But, I’m also going to have to start almost completely over—Like someone hit the “reboot” button on my life.

When I get to England, I won’t have any friends. I won’t have any of my stuff. No job. No direction. I’m worried that I’ll be lonely and isolated, and that Frankie and I will get into this weird co-dependent loop that happens when we spend too much time together.

I‘m sure everything will be fine, but the closer the trip gets, the more nervous I seem to get. The excitement is there too, but I can’t seem to stop the worry and the questions. What if I hate it over there? What if Frankie has trouble adjusting? Will she make any friends? Will I be able to learn how to drive? What if I miss my friends and family way too much? What will happen to our Colorado house when we’re gone? The teeny-tiny little details start to fray the edges my composure: For example, how on Earth will we get our Colorado mail? Does the USPS forward mail overseas?

Aaarrgh!

I hate that I’m such a worrier, so I try to stop. But, it’s hard to resist my nature. I’m kind of a control freak, and all of these questions just don’t have answers. It’s all a big question mark. This trip is something that, at the moment, feels largely out of my hands.

To his credit, Matt has been really great about making sure that this transition is as terror-free as possible for me. He’s organized everything; He found the house, fixed it so we can *both* have a car, has looked into schools for Frankie, and done about a million other incredible thoughtful and helpful things. I think he knows how easy it is for me to flip the switch to panic mode, and has done a lot to keep me sane and excited. And I still am excited. I just have to get past these nerves, and take the plunge.

Basically, in the course of a day I flip-flop a dozen times between excitement and sheer terror.

What am I getting myself into?