Frankie had her very first sleepover yesterday and, all things considered, it went pretty well. They didn’t go to sleep until about 10pm and woke up around 6am, but no fights, tantrums, injuries, bed wetting, or night terrors. So, that’s a victory.
The girls definitely had fun. Still, I have to admit that I have really mixed feelings about the whole affair. The mom of Frankie’s friend is the one that pushed for the sleepover and if she hadn’t asked in front of both of the girls, I would have said no. Frankie and this little girl are buddies, but… Oh, man. How do I say this without sounding like a jerk? I don’t really want to *encourage* their relationship. Really, our families are about as different as possible. We live on opposite ends of town, we’re in a subdivision and they’re in a trailer park. They’re super religious, and talk about God all the time. (Not that it’s necessarily a bad thing. I just don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation.) Matt and I are both professionals in our fields. They’re on public assistance. The parents are more than ten years younger than me, and we share absolutely no common interests.
None of that should really matter, I know. Who a person is, how interesting they are, how much they love their kids... None of that is tied to where you live or how much money you make. I really don't mean any of this in a judgmental way. It's just incredibly tough to socialize and have conversations with someone when you have nothing in common. And none of that is actually the biggest problem, either.
The biggest obstacle is that the mom is kind of a boundary-pusher. She reminds me of Cumbrian Ken in the way she’s always trying to take advantage of our relationship in one way or another. She’s the one that got me to agree to wash a load of her daughter’s clothes when their washing machine broke, and then handed over four giant garbage bags filled with the entire family’s laundry. (Including her husband’s underwear. Ew.) She maneuvered me into agreeing to the sleepover, and then at the last minute sprang the news on me that I needed to be the one to pick up and drop off her daughter (40 mins away round trip), because the plates on their car were expired. Then, the little girl asked me that evening if her mom had mentioned she still wets the bed.
Um.... No. That's news to me.
Suffice it to say, I’m exhausted from the whole thing. I blame myself for not saying
no, and being way too polite. But it’s tough, you know? Frankie doesn’t have very many friends, and I want her to have a playmate and be happy. She says the little girl is her best friend, and it squeezes my heart a little. But the truth is I just don’t see our families having a relationship. Plus, it’s not like this lady and I were ever *friends*. She’s asking quite a bit of me, without even knowing me. It seems so weird that she would want me (a virtual stranger) to take her daughter overnight, and never even ask where I live. She doesn’t even have an address for us. I can’t imagine EVER doing that.
How do I do this? Am I a bad person? Should I just draw better boundaries, suck it up and let it all play itself out? Or can I just start politely opting out of playdates? What do I tell Frankie?
Dang. Motherhood is hard.
